I have a serious case of the blues. Things just arent going our way, or at least thats how it feels right now. Im trying to stay positive becasue I really feel that helps, its hard though. Im very emotional. Sometimes I feel like everything in my life and everything I do is so difficult, Im probably just feeling sorry for myself. Some people just have it so easy and I dont feel like Im one of those people. It could always be worse I guess and everything happens for a reason, I just keep telling myself that.

Today was the most emotionally exhausting day, work was insanely busy and I feel like I just have alot of family stuff going on and it is really throwing me through a loop. I joked to Jay that with only a handful of family members left there really should be no problems, but like Jay said 3 or 300 there will always be issues when it comes to family. He is the best when it comes to this stuff, I can tend to overreact or take things too personally and he is a good meter to see how I am reacting. Over the years Ive learned to bounce things off of him first before reacting too quickly and I think that really helps. He is really the best thing that has ever happened to me. Everything we do and go through just brings us closer together (cheesy, I know) I feel like although I have been somewhat unlucky in life (just in my past really) I am so lucky in love, that makes up for it. What doesnt kill you will only make you stronger, at least thats what Kanye says :). I had wanted to start Yoga tonight but I was so tired when I got home that i decided to skip it, instead we ordered pizza and I pigged out. I really should have gone to yoga instead, its such a nice way to relax, Im sure I would have felt much better than I did after the pizza. Im still going to do my normal hour at the gym, I want to add a couple of classes a week and if Im doing my regular thing there wont be so much pressure. Im going to go to bed and end this day and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Im so happy this week is over! It was only a four day week but I was so busy that I just couldn't wait for it to end. Work has been SO SLOW lately that Im not used to it being busy any more and its a little exhausting. Sarah and I skipped the gym today and went out for Thai food. Im obsessed with Curry. I swear Im obsessive compulsive, but just when it comes to food. I go on these kicks where I just obsess about a certain food. It was avocados a few weeks ago and now its curry, I think I need psychiatric help lol. Jay and I decided not to go hiking tomorrow so that we can get some stuff done around the house, and there is no way we will do both, so we'll just go hiking on Sunday. We are going to the movies with Donna tomorrow to see the Strangers. Im excited, it looks super scary, and I just love going to the movies, I wish I could drag Jay there more. Its supposed to be over a hundred degrees again this weekend so hopefully the pool will finally warm up and stay that way. I need to start swimming to burn off all of the ice cream Ive been eating. I dont think my usual hour a day at the gym is going to cut it. It's worth it though, ice cream's my favorite. Aunt Irene decided to come with us today to Vegas for Chris's birthday. That works out perfectly because that way Jay and Chris can go out and do there own thing some of the nights and I can hang with Aunt Irene. I love going on vacation! I wish I didnt hate flying so we could start going to all of the places we really want to go to. Again, I need psychiatric help. Other than that things are quiet. No news is good news I always say...

My vacation ends tomorrow which is always a little depressing. It has honestly been the weirdest vacation ever, it definitely did not end up the way I had expected. Its always a little strange when things happen so differently than you expect. First the weather in Mexico was insane. Now keep in mind, the thing I miss most about NY is the beach which is why I love going to Rocky Point. I look forward to the couple of times a year I get to go down there and just sit on the beach. That didnt happen this time though. The hurricane like winds pretty much made it so that we had to sit in the condo for most of the time. Once it started raining, we decided to pack it in and just head home. Once we got home, I got into a fight with Aunt Irene, we made up but it definitely put a little damper on things. Yesterday, I got the weirdest news ever, and Im still trying to figure out how I feel about it. All in all its just been a really, really strange week. Not to say I didnt enjoy myself, it just wasnt what I had expected.

Tomorrow is back to work. It will be nice to get back to a schedule I guess. I feel like I have alot on my mind and its going to be difficult to concentrate on work though. Im going to spend the rest of today mentally preparing myself. I am also planning on doing some vacuuming, dusting and ironing. Im going to go jump in the shower now and get started. Hopefully I can get everything I want to get done done so that I can get through the next week.

It is seriously 87 degrees in our house right now. Thats really really hot. I believe its supposed to be 93 degrees outside today. Even worse, its supposed to be 97 tomorrow. This is the time of year when we try and hold out on turning the A/C on for as long as possible because we know once it goes on, it stays on until October. It seriously feels tropical in my house right now. Thankfully the temperature is supposed to drop back down to the mid 80's next week so we can have a few more weeks of spring until the never ending Arizona summer begins. The pool is still too cold to swim in. It makes no sense to me, how can it be 90 degrees outside and the pool is really really cold. Hopefully it will warm up quickly because thats the only thing that makes these summers tollerable.

Sick of being Sick

I was totally convinced that I would start feeling better today. I stayed home from work on Thursday and Friday and really thought because of that I would wake up on Saturday feeling great. Not so much though. I have the worst stiff neck ever, a cold and I just dont feel good and its making me very cranky. So I guess today will be another day in the house doing nothing. As soon as I am done writing this I am going to go lay down, I really wanted to get another post in today though to keep the momentum going. I can't say I have alot to talk about though being that I have been locked in the house since Monday. Ive watched alot of TV, added a bunch of things to my myspace page and read alot of celebrity gossip online. I probably could have read a couple of books by now, I dont really have anything laying around the house that peaks my interest though. On the plus side I have spent alot of quality time with my dogs, the loves of my life. Well I guess Ill end it on that note, this nagging pain in my neck is really making difficult for me think at the moment, maybe Ill post more later, Ill see how the day goes.

I guess Im going to give this yet another try. I'm blogging about once per year at this point, so I guess I'll see. Things have been REALLY slow at work lately and I thought I could blog to keep myself busy. Ive been searching online for other peoples blogs that I could get into but havent really found anything that interested me. I was looking for some diet and fitness blogs but didnt find anything. Then it occured to me that I could keep my own. I dont know that I really want to focus on diet and fitness so much as just keep a journal. I really dont even intend for anyone to read my blogs. I think its just more of a healthy outlet for me. The reason I have been looking for the diet and fitness blogs is that lately I have really made a big turn around in my life. I quit smoking (again)and ever since then I have been so focused on health, I have never been this way before. I feel like my body is craving only nutritious things. I only want to eat fruits and vegetables and Im back to exercising 5 days a week. I've been taking a mulitvitamin, drinking tons of water, cut down on my caffeine ALOT and have been getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. I even completely cut red meat and pork out of my diet.(although that is for other reasons and a whole other blog) This is a stark contrast to my usual 5 hours of sleep a night, 5-6 cups of coffee a day and not going to the gym but rather sitting on my ass and stressing about how I should have gone. I honestly feel the best I have ever felt. The doctor also put me on an anti anxiety med for some of the anxiety I was experiencing. I started to feel like my fears were starting to take over my life and were stopping me from doing alot of the things I wanted to do. The medication changed my life. Its really crazy. I never thought I was depressed until I started taking it. Now I know I definitly was. I feel like a new person and could never imagine going back to the way I was before. Its not a miracle drug and I still have some things to work on but its really given me a nice shove in the right direction. I have some other health issues going on right now, but I'm feeling positive that every thing will be okay. I need to get some more testing done and then I'll know for sure. Im really not worried at this point though. I tend to worry more about Jay when it comes to these things because he gets so much more upset about it then I do. So I try not to worry him too much especially when its really not a big deal. Im actually home sick today with the worst cold Ive had in a few years. I stayed home yesterday too. To add insult to injury I also have a stiff neck that is so painful. I have been so miserable for the last week but I finally feel as though Im starting to improve this morning. Im starting to get a little stir crazy though. (hence the latest blog entry). Well I guess thats it for right now. I really feel like I could go on for ever, hopefully thats a sign that i will actually continue to update my blog. Like I said before I really feel it will be a healthy outlet for me. We'll see I guess.